Somethings are worth waiting for. . .

Somethings are worth waiting for I tell myself each day.
Like the dry and barren ground waits for the moist and delicate rain.
Somethings are worth reaching for even when there far away.
I've seen flowers reaching as they search for the sun's rays.
Somethings are worth hoping for I have experience here.
Hope is what keeps me believing that the future is so near.
Somethings are worth believing in even when that seems so hard.
Believing you can find true love when your heart is one big scar.
Waiting for you to see me is not what makes me cry.
It is reaching for you with such hope. Trusting that I won't be denied.
Scarier still is believing that if it ends it's for the best.
That I will be able to move on and let what has been rest.
I must admit that I can't see how this will end,
but I guess life is just that way, it's full of twists and bends.
Somethings are worth waiting for. . .
I wish I knew if that was you.
Somethings are worth reaching for,
will you ever reach back too?
Somethings are worth hoping and believing for.
Tell me if it is you and these feelings I can't ignore.
Tell me I'm not waiting for a cause that has been already lost.
Tell me that this will be worth as much as it has cost.
Help me see that's all I ask, that's all I can implore.
Help me understand that this is all worth waiting for.

I just want to go on a stinking date.
It's causing me to be full of hate.
Just one freakin' day a year,
can't you get off your lazy rear?
I know it's kinda hard for you,
but will you ever get a clue?
If you like my company
and like to eat my pastries.
You need to stop being a jerk!
Don't I get at least one perk?
I can do almost everything.
Heck I can even dance and sing!
But there is one thing I cannot do,
and that is be a man for you!!

What is it you Want?

How am I supposed to know how you really feel?

How am I supposed to guess what is really real?

How am I supposed to trust that you will still be there?

How is it I want so much, when I usually don't care?

What is it you want to say but do not once again?

I don't know if I can be satisfied with you just as my friend. 

Go away or come really close just stop standing there.

I have found that kind of honesty is really just so rare.

I am tired of not knowing and not being able to tell.

All I know is I hate myself because I slipped and fell.

I hate it that I get so scarred because the way I feel. 

and I hate it that above all this I go on with it still.

I am not ready to go and leave you here behind, 

I feel you too much in my heart and also in my mind.

One day soon, I'm sure I'll know and I will feel what's right, 

Until that day I will wait here still and keep on with the fight.

 

Nothing

Nothing every just stands still, time insists to move.
Nothing ever stays the same and sticks within it’s groove.
Nothing is ever as expected Hard to know what’s next?
Nothing every goes as plans then I have to reflect
Nothing makes it seems like it really isn’t that important
Nothing seems to leave you in a chance of enchant
Nothing can change the way that I feel for you
Nothing will really be the same when we are through
Nothing stops and nothing goes with out a simple touch
Nothing tries to make you feel it wasn’t worth that much.

I still need the rain

I still need the rain

Rain is one of the most enchanting events.
Little droplet start to fall on dry pavement and cement.
It starts with just a little drop and then it is a stream.
It glistens on the blades of grass and makes the Evergreens.
Rain can fall in sheets and it can cause disaster.
What started with a little drop can gush with trembling power.
Days of rain can make you feel enclosed within the gray
Searching for the glimmer of the suns enlivening rays
Rain can come in burst, it come in little flurries
Rain can turn to ice or snow in colder times of worries.
Days of sun can make you feel invincible and new
happy that you have passed the time of morning frost and dew
Me I think that I would prefer the occasional afternoon shower
Make me remember why I love the sun and flowers.
To wish away the rain would be futile and close minded
To hate the rain would just cause pain to the undelighted
You can not forget what is made with a little drop in turn
We need the rain to help us live, this is a truth I've learned
So bring the rain, bring it fast or slowly anyway can
Why not look forward to the rain it has made me who I am?

Stop the falling apart

I guess I have been thinking
That comes so easily
How to write about my life
To help things become clearer to me
Some day I might understand why I need to write
How the words need to flow
why I need to type.
Here is a start

Scared and Afraid,
Tired . . . Worn
You can see it in her face;
it's dimmer than before,
Her crystal sapphire eyes.
Her drooping golden hair.
Her traces of distress.
Her hope is barely there.
She is the one who lives the life of constant marked disguise.
She is the one.

Hopeful, patient,
understanding and good. . .
You can see it in her gait.
Her constant stride.
Her poise and grace.
Her deliberate movement.
Her self-confidence is there.
She is the one who lives the life of constant marked disguise.
She is the one.

Worn and Bitter,
Resentful and mean.
You can hear it in her voice.
Her cold response.
Her sarcastic defense.
Her lack of laughter.
Her home-made fence.
She is the one who lives the life of constant marked disguise.
She is the one.

Gentle and loving,
pure, good.
You can see it in her arms.
Her outward reaching.
Her gentle caress.
Her worn calloused hands.
Her lifting those in distress.
She is the one who lives the life of constant marked disguise.
She is the one.

How can she be all of these things,
which of these things are real?
Which of these things can she give up
when each of these things she feels?
She is the one who is tired of living the life of constant marked disguise.
She is the one.

An old pair of shoes, a golden gown A table cloth veil. She swirls around the living room Gazes in her wishing well. No one seems to understand who she really is She’s a princess in a castle Not an ordinary kid. Mom never really understands that , there is more to make believe Dad just sees another mess And there is no time to dream. As a girl she saw the stars Just with in her grasp. When did they go so far away? What makes them dissolve so very fast? Purple ponies, and paper dolls They once were so in style. Now they are all packed a way Or placed with in a file. Make believe has lost its glow

The girl is all grown up

Why hasn't she been rescued? Where’s the dream that she made up? Mom doesn't understand that Life is not just make believe. And dad just sees another mess, She doesn't see she needs time to dream. She's looking though old boxes From another day and time. She’s forgotten all her wishes, Her favorite nursery rhyme. She fingers in her hands the hope Life can still be more. She sobs and holds her head She feels quite torn. Memories flood her head Of wishes she had worn. She sees her self there as a child Dressed up once again. Determined to relive again was just once pretend. -Holly (Oct. 16, 2007)

Fragments of My Life

Fragments of my shattered life are broken on the floor
Keeping me from walking by and leaving out the door.
I want to pick up a piece, but it might hurt too bad.
Oh the pain of memories. A shard of times so sad.
I saw a piece glimmer as the sunlight kissed its face,
A fragment of my life that is too hard to erase.
It is beautiful. It's dull around the edge. I've picked it up before,
Regretting to put it down, as I lay it on the floor.
Strange how even things that are beautiful can still cause pain.
Like wondering if something so wonderful could ever be made again.
Each fragment holds a piece of me, a branch of a tree.
Jagged, smooth, dim or bright, they speak and set me free.
Wishing to remove a piece would only be in vain.
They just cannot be removed, even when they have caused pain.
With out a piece I would only be a part of who I am today.
A fragment of my heart would die, and then it would decay.
I recognize them all . . . though some differently than before.
Pain, love, hope and regret, love lost and times that I adore.
Fragments of my broken life, shattered on the floor.
A sliver can catch my gaze and I've learned its one you can't ignore.

-Holly (Oct. 15, 2007)

Not Knowing Me

Not Knowing Me

Not knowing me you may think
I am happy when I laugh
That just because I'm here on time
Life’s not moving fast
Not knowing me you may think
I am sad because I cry
Tears trickle down my made up face
Yet you never question why.
Not knowing me you may think
I'm growing up so fast
My grown up life and grown up things
Just don't unlock my past
Not knowing me you may think
I have all with in my reach,
Stars shining high may just fall down
to dance around my feet
Not knowing me you may think
I am tired when I close my eyes
My head is full of wondrous dreams
with friends right by my side
Not knowing me you may think
I sing because I am in love
I dance because of music
Playing in my head above.
Not knowing me you cannot know
My heart can not go there.
I do not feel emotions,
Of which once I was so aware.
Not knowing me you may think
I am happy when I laugh....
- Holly (Sept. 7 2007)